Assalamualaikum , spread peace for the world we live in .
So , as a start , I changed how I talk . I think before I speak . I keep quiet when I'm mad until one of my friend keep on asking me if I'm mad when i speak less . The answer is yes , I do . I wanna avoid myself from useless arguements . I've tried my best to speak politely to my parents no matter what came out from their mouth cause I know somehow there will always be at least a pinch of useful advise in every speech dish prepared by our parents ; they just knew too much .
One of my big move is , I took a month long timeout from my very best friend , my high school captain . I did this for no other reason but to make myself more indipendent . It is a fact that I've hung onto him ever since we're unofficially declared ourselves as best friends forever . I always find myself talking to him when I needed help ; when I need someone by my side . He's a guy ; a straight one ( this one sounds weird too ) , so no matter how hard I cling on him , he will eventually find someone that he will love and protect . I'm pretty sure that ' someone ' would never feel good about him having another girl to protect . She wouldn't feel special , and this is me talking as a female . Oh yeah for those who said we will eventually get together , just know in some circumstances male can be just friend with female .
I would love to have some time for myself , I even rarely contact my girls . I don't even know if I have anyone to call ' my girls ' here in Selangor , cause eventhough I feel so comfortable with them , they actually left me hanging when I don't offer them any goods . They'll come back when they needed something . Is this how friendships really work or what ? But whatever , I will still be there cause that's what I'm made of . I'm full of care , positivity and love to spread around so just assume that you've found a relaxing centre , okay ? And another shocking news after my super short vacation to Kuantan , now I got one of my Kedahan girl feeling bad about herself . She think she gave so much effort that seems to be useless . Girl , just know that I'm here in every step you take on this hard-gravity-pulled surface of the earth , believe me . I'll woke up to answer your calls at 2am if you need me . Please acknowledge that I'm trying my best to be the best girlfriend you would ever have in your entire life . Cheer up !
About my future .. I've done some research ( is this word really resemble what I've done ? It sounds too high standard ahahaha ) and I've found out that to involve myself in a science field , I should at least get a ' kepujian ' ( C+ ) on a few subjects including ADDMATH , my one and only subject that kills me , literally . I don't know why , I just couldn't ace addmath eventhough it does look kinda interesting to me . I just don't know and please don't ask why . So I try to figure out something else but it's a dead end everytime . Maybe I'll wait for the result first , and then decide something . I do have a dream , I do want to be a doctor . But the more I read about doctors ; doctor's work , life etc , the sound in my head keep on saying that I would never be able to do that . I lose my faith , I doubt that I can do those things and be responsible to another human being . The thing is I keep on saying that I would be a doctor since kindergarten that I don't have any other backup plans . Let see how it goes later on , shall we ?
Tips of the day : When you're too mad , stop speaking until you can actually think what you're going to say . This is to prevent a bigger argument because you would say bad things when you're mad , which is super immature .
The one who speaks from the heart ,
Alya Ayob .
